The problem of God

A few thoughts on God that I finally managed to get down in virtual ink:

Into what extent should we follow God?
To qoute Mr. Mill himself: "Whenever conduct is concerned, they loook round for Mr A and B to direct them how far to go in obeying Christ"
It's very easy to say that we need to balance things in our lives, as soon as the path Christ showed becomes to uneven or takes too much of our time.
But it is true. There is a need for balance in our lives.

When I do or think something that according to my morals are 'good', for example doing something completly self-lessly or feel devotion to God buuble up inside me, I feel good.
But is this because it is right to do what I did or because I am programmed through my upbringing to reward myself internally?
The latter seems to me to be the most likely option and this created a sense of void in me. How much of me is actually just 'programmed'?

WHY would God exist? Or does it go beyond reason? What came first, the hen or the egg, our beief in a higher being or a higher being?
In the end our tools of reasoning doesn't work anymore and it's a question of faith. And i choose to believe.
This doesn't mean that everything ends right there! There is till so much we can quetion ad try to work out, but nothing we can actually know.
Jag believe in God but I do not believe I can know anything of his nature or character. So maybe I could call myself, a bit inaccurately: a christian agnostic.

But why am I Christian? If I don't know anything about God, why would I choose a religion to attach myself to?
Well, wjile I don't believe myself to KNOW for sure who God is, I believe he he is certain things. And being raised in a Christian enviroment has of course made me believe in the Christian values.
So me being Christian is essentially just a way of saying that I believe in the same values - which also says a bit about what we believe about God.
But I do not hold it to be truth, or the only truth.