Mind the gap

I went home for winterbreak and I felt as a much more independent person on arrival than on departing a few months earlier. I had plans to go visit friends and family, go on hikes and do it on my own initiative. For the first couple of days I held to my plan, but then I very quickly slipped back into a role of daughter at home. I ate the meals they cooked for me, played with my brother, walked the dog, read a book... and it was very nice.
The problem was leaving again. Having built on my dependence, leaving my parents behind me at the security check at the airport was very hard. I couldn'tr hold back my tears and even when I made my transfer in Amsterdam I felt like finding the earliest plane right back. Teh first few days of MUWCI was very hard and I am in general much more homesick this term than the last one.
Why?
I think it is because I had a wonderful time at home, the best of the best. We all savoured the time and really enjoyed each others company for that short time. I didn't have to get nagged about doing homework, doing the dishes or fight with my brothers. I wasn't going for an adventure as when I was forst going here, but back to MUWCI, to what I knew and schoolwork instead of Christmas food and leisure.
Over the first term, I slowly got more confused with 'home'. I said home about MUWCI when I was on Project Week, I said home about my house when the schoolday was over and I said home about my country, my family and my house in Sweden. Perfectly confusing.
Nearing the end of winterbreak though, I was begrudgingly calling MUWCI home just to make myself go there. I had no wish to go back, and if I had it was very small. I'm talking about the last day here, when homesickness was already starting to get a grip of me.
There really are these huge differences in my personality (dependence) and I hope I will reach some kind of conclusion about it, because being split into two persons can be quite darining at times.