The abstract in MUWCI

I went for the Modernism lecture on Existentialism adn I really enjoyed it. It put words to things I've been thinking about, as philosophical ideas often seems to do.
While I was sitting there listening I recognized in myself a tendency of always thinking of how every idea would apply to 'real' life. I became so clear when the lecture was over and we went home, the moment people got up from their chairs they were talking about homework and caf food again.
There is a big gap between the abstract teachings in English (at least in A1 HL) and Philosophy and the world we live in day to day.
I think these "Philo blogs" Give us a lot of oppourtunity to reflect and unite those two elements. I am fascinated with the trips my mind can make in the abstract but I always come back to the real. And I've realised it is the real that's important to me. Of course it is.
So Existentialism talks about taking responsebility for who you are and who you can be, that you have an obligation to live authentic (did I get that right?). I made the choice to apply and accept a place at a UWC. I take the consequences.But when the homework kills all inspiration and takes my focus of why I came here, I rebel. I feel like quitting MUWCI, because I'm not living what existentialism apparently calls "authentic" (I had no idea there was an idea and a word for it).
I feel like quitting MUWCI, run away to an NGO and live there with them. Silly me. And still I stay. Why? It's like the question of the tribes in Orissa all over again. I stay because my parents put money into this. Because I put time into it, because it was what i wanted so bad and because I like it here. What+ I like it here? What was that again?
Yes, I enjoy being here. I realised yesterday actually, when I had another wave of doubt, that even though MUWCI is not what I thought, that I am not what I thought, that it is worth the time. I learn other things than I thought I would. Like the difference between abstract and every day life (I think I will enjoy ethics when we get there), balancing time, realising what I value the most, learning to cooperate, learning that development work is not all sunshine, that I am lazy...
Existentialism made a big impression on me and while it's nice to have a word for what I'm thinking right now I realise that I am very much in the beginning of my philosophical journey, that I will change my views numerous times. And if there is something I don't like, it's stagnation. Mill did his work well.